One year Metastatic Cancerversary- and I'm Loving Life!

One Year Metastatic Cancerversary....and I'm Loving Life! This year has been about so much more than the chemo, prognosis, labs or medical appointments. Follow the photos to celebrate with me. And thanks for your support and love!


A few months into treatment, I realized I didn't seem to be dying any time soon, so I'd better get planning the next year's garden. Paho and Leigh helped me get the garlic in. Tim, Mary, Terry and Gundola came by to prepare a bed or two. Randy T. hauled and spread many wheelbarrows of compost. It was so fun working alongside them as best I could. By spring, I was feeling strong enough to sow seeds, water, weed, and tend my lovely gardens. They feed me well, body and soul.

Reminders from my first experience with cancer and from this current dance. The uncertainty is even more profound this time, yet I am so at peace with it all. Faith, hope, and love are my constant partners

My kids and their families have been solid rocks every step of the way! We had some pretty tender conversations at the beginning of this year and a few times since. But we've shared countless hours of pure life in 12 months, reaffirming the preciousness of our family.

This picture is of Skye and her gang. Mark, Skye, Grace, Matt, Me, Jesse, and Danae.

Paho and his gang....
Ed, Paho, Roma, Lucy, and Leigh 

Moriah and her boys....
Trek, Moriah, Boden, Gary, and Canyon. 

I can't tell you how much comfort and support I got from my sisters and Dad. I felt their love with me every moment. I know it was hard for them to be so far away and was beyond thrilled when we finally got to be together in April!
Front row, left to right: Mary, Dad, Wren, me.
Back row left to right: Debbie, Linda  

This community where I have lived and grown (up) for the past 40 years stepped in to help when needed, sat quietly by my side, and shared sweet chats about everyday happenings. These dear friends have held my heart continuously and tenderly. Feeling their love has sustained me in many difficult moments.  

The living things at Mandala Gardens bring me daily joy! My dog friends are really a constant comfort and lots of entertainment. They seem to know just when to lay quietly alongside me or make me laugh with their antics!

Miss Mocha, my wild wonder-poodle, loves to play and is an amazing huntress (I am sparing you the pictures of her with rabbits, snakes, or large packrats in her mouth!). She came to me from a very difficult life when she was 1 1/2 years old. She is now six years old and thinks she has the best life ever. 

Aiko, almost 7 years old, is the princess of the family. Although she quakes at the sound of thunder, she thinks she's tough enough to chase off coyotes! This girl grabbed my heart when I got her as a puppy (from my dear sister) and she has it still (and knows it).  

And my sweet boy, Bo. He was also a rescue dog, but was only 6 months old when I got him. Half Siberian Husky and half Border Collie, he seems to have the best traits of both breeds. He "talks" to anyone who will listen, is gentle with children and other animals, and has every delivery person wrapped around his front paw! He's 11 years old now. Bo's quiet strength sets a great example to me.  

Ahhh....my ponds! One of the most difficult things for me about living in the desert was the lack of water. I so loved and identified with the ocean all my growing up years. I built this little pond (about 180 gallons) in the spring of 2002. It has been through many transformations, but has brought me endless joy throughout them all. This spring, I put three adult shubunkin (calico) goldfish in the pond and after they spawned, put them back in the big pond so they wouldn't eat all the eggs and fry. What a journey this has been (deserving of a blog post all its' own)! At this point I have about 100 baby shubunkins. It's been so fun to witness the process from spawn to now (about 2 1/2 months). I'll have to find homes for most of them, but am waiting to pick out a few for myself.  

Here are a few of the babies at 2 months age.

The "Big Pond" (about 750 gallons) turned out to be one of the most healing places for me to rest this year. Even if I couldn't do much except sit by the edge, I just soaked in the calm and peace it offers. When I am feeling good, I love to traipse about in the water (don't tell my little grandsons) plucking dead leaves, pulling string algae, etc. I am so grateful that I decided to build this pond in late 2014 and finished it only a couple months before I got sick. What a wonder-filled treasure it has been.

Here are a few of the fish in the big pond. The calico is one of the shubunkin parents. 

As you know, I'll have my bare hands and feet in the soil for as long as I am able! My gardens bring me such joy! Whether plucking bugs, weeding, thinning, or harvesting, I am so at peace. There is such a calm. From back to front are winter squash (climbing the fence), carrots and sweet potatoes, lettuce and regular potatoes. I couldn't fit them in, but this garden also has the onion beds. I'll be set for winter food!

The sweet corn is tall, tassled and silked. I sometimes just sit in the shade between the rows, relishing the sustenance. This garden has beans, peppers, tomatoes, brassicas of all kinds, chard and other greens, melons, and celery. Oh...and zinnias interspersed among it all.  

My kitties don't come in the house because I am so allergic, but they have a safe haven in the false-attic and entry room. They like to come sit by me last thing at night when I am out by the pond. It's quiet and dark and they like to stare at the fish (I've never seen them try to nab one).
This is foxy. He's about five years old and was one of a litter of kittens rescued from the dump (minutes before being crushed by the tractor!). I nursed him along as a baby and he's been a sweet addition to our family.

Here is Dulce'. He is 11 years old and has always been more cranky than sweet, but I never did change his name. He "allows" me to pet him when he's in the mood and swats at me (unsheathed claws) if I stop before he's ready. But he really is a nice guy under all the gruff. 

One of the projects I've accomplished this year is redecorating my bedroom (also deserves a bog post of its' own). I had so much fun designing every little touch. I think my favorite additions are the jewelry organizers I made from two old wooden window frames. It's so fun to repurpose stuff. My room is so restful, light, and uncluttered now.   

I hope to witness many more amazing Arizona sunsets. I treasure each bit of beauty that comes my way. I treasure each of you in my life and the love you offer. I love you, Orina

 

Boden Snow's Hungry Little Caterpillar Birthday!!! January 19, 2015

Our Baby Boden Snow turned one January 19, 2015! This precious child has blessed our lives in so many ways. Among his numerous endearing traits is his voracious appetite! Although Boden is quite a little guy, he loved to eat from his very first bite. What better birthday theme than "The Hungry Little Caterpillar"? It was such a fun party celebrating our joyful boy.

 

The day that Boden let us know what a hungry little caterpillar he was! His first solid food last summer was Gram's yellow squash...and he ate every bite on the first attempt!

 

He soon graduated to corn on the cob...and almost any vegetable that came out of Gram's garden. Sweet potatoes became an early favorite.

 

So, a Hungry Little Caterpillar party it was to be!!! Moriah's decorations throughout the house were perfect! And the lunch table she designed with bowls of all the foods the Hungry Little Caterpillar ate in the well-known book was gorgeous and delicious. I hope she posts pictures on her blog, because somehow I did not get any. Auntie Skye set out to make the cake with some help from Uncle Mark and the big brothers (they had to do some taste testing here and there).

Auntie Skye manages her magic again! What a precious caterpillar cake!

I got each of Moriah's boys an antique wooden rocking chair when they were babies. Boden took to his right away, which made this Grandma happy.

This little caterpillar never sits still for too long, though... too many places to explore... too much to do!

 

Boden opened some great gifts and took a minute to look over each of them carefully.

 

 

But these shiny red, black, and white balls were an instant favorite! He walked around balancing both of them in his hands for a long time!

He was truly awestruck when this huge sweet caterpillar head was set in front of him. He kept looking around as if to say, "Is this really okay? Did you mean to do this?" Eventually he dug in and had as much fun playing with the frosting as taking yummy bites! 

 

Boden Snow Kirkman and family...one year later. My heart is full!

 

Holiday Warmth. Tender Sharing. Christmas Eve, 2014

I'm thinking that we will experience ever more loss, ever more change as we age. Still, it seems to startle our hearts awake every time a loved one dies. There is first the tightening of the heart that comes with grief; then the heart unfolding into an open flower as we allow ourselves to embrace the endless love that prevails. Our little community said good-bye to Sara, Irene, Dworka, and John all in a matter of months. The day after Sara's memorial in June, I became very ill and suddenly found myself facing my own mortality in a new and sobering way. This necessarily impacted the lives of those I love and who love me.

But we made it through this year...perhaps stronger, more whole, and with precious wisdom we now possess only for having experienced those changes. This made the winter holidays especially tender for me. I'll start with Christmas Eve.

12-24-2014. Christmas Eve at Mandala Evening Star

"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through Mandala
Loved ones had gathered in hopes of a hell-of-a ('heck-of-a') good time!
Coats and hats piled high on the going-out-shelf...
Plates of goodies arranged by each happy elf.
You in your hair-dos and I with my fuzz
Were just catching up on the community buzz
When we paused for a moment, our hearts all a glow...
And Orina called out, 'There's no time to waste; let's get on with the show!'"

 

We long for the light, for the love that connects us all. We are joined with every culture around the world who is reminded during the darkest of days, the winter season, that there is hope. And we share the symbolic  flame knowing  that in the end love is all there is.

From infants to elders- in laughter, song, and story form- dreams, fears, joy, and wonder were exchanged. These are the greatest of gifts!

 

After everyone went home, Moriah engaged her sweet boys with a precious tradition...reading the official version of "The Night before Christmas". Poor little Canyon winced as he swallowed his tea. He got his tonsils out the week before and his throat was till so tender!